Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
