Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
