I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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