Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
