That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
