dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
