Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you traded sex for a burrito?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
