My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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