Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
