drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
