so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
