I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
