I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
