from now on my penis is your penis
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
