You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I know her cup size but not her name....
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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