My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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