Even the bartender felt bad for me
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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