no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
