I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
