Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
