Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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