Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
