Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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