I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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