my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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