So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
