dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize