Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
