remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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