I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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