you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
