if you like me you must not know who I am
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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