tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
