I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
