ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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