Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
