Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
