The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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