Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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