Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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