the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
