[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
