there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
