so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize