It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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