Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
