i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
