Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
