Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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