WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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