Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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