i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So much rum. So many feels.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
