So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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