moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
