i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
time to smoke my breakfast
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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