Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I would ride that face into the sunset
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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