her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
