my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
