Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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