i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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