Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
