There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
